TLAPD on Thursday! was International Joke Day 1 July! smile

joanne

C’mon! Add your jokes here, and safely gauge audience reaction before you unleash your Dad jokes and office humour - unpolished - on an unsuspecting public on Monday!! cheese 

(Thank you in advance for any clean family jokes that can be shared with my seniors activity group) 

 smile  question  question  question 


mulemom

Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails all different colors?

A: To hide in the jellybean jar!

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a jellybean jar?

A: See!  It works!


DaveSchmidt
joanne said:

... and safely gauge audience reaction ...

Never! Our pet budgie doesn’t like our dog to begin with, and practice makes fur pecked.


jersey_boy

Internatonal jokes?

What's the best thing about Switzerland

Well the flag is a huge plus!


jersey_boy

If you're American when you enter the bathroom, and you're American when you exit the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.


joanne

my brother’s current dad joke?

What time is  it when an elephant stands on your clock?






Time to get a new a clock.  question 


DaveSchmidt

What did the doctor tell that elephant?






Don’t step on ticks.


joanne

My sister’s contribution:

What do you call two banana peels?






A pair of slippers!


ml1

A guy using Apple Maps walks into a bar.



Or a church.



Or a hospital.


ml1

Two friends are out backpacking in the hills, and they spot a mountain lion about a hundred yards ahead of them.  Suddenly the mountain lion decides to attack.  It starts sprinting toward the backpackers.  One of the friends proceeds to sit down, take a pair of running shoes out of his backpack and starts unlacing his hiking boots.  

The other friend yells at him, "What are you doing??! You're wasting time!! You'll never outrun that mountain lion even in running shoes!!"  

The first friend replies, "I know.  But I only need to outrun you."


jonesey

Did you hear about the hyena that fell in the cooking pot?


He became a laughing stock.



DaveSchmidt

Did you hear about the elephant that dropped a hyena into the Ronco cooking pot?



He set it, but couldn’t forget it.


Jasmo

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?


Make me one with everything.



The hot dog vendor hands over the food with all the trimmings, and the monk hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.  The monk asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.



A gun then extends from the monk's robe and he asks again.  The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?”  The monk replies “This is my inner piece”.


joanne

I see the humour in the joke above. I'm not sure how to respond cheese


jonesey
Jasmo said:
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?


Make me one with everything.





The hot dog vendor hands over the food with all the trimmings, and the monk hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.  The monk asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.




A gun then extends from the monk's robe and he asks again.  The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?”  The monk replies “This is my inner piece”.

 Zen what happened?



DaveSchmidt

A police call went out. “Suspect is dharma’ed and dangerous.”


Morganna

If a joke falls on deaf ears does anyone hear it?


joanne

smilesmilesmile

Thank you for helping with my dilemma!

______________

We had a lovely run of 'elephants in cars' jokes today; if you've got kids in your life, no doubt you know the kind I mean. After 8 elephants, they just got sillier and sillier. So much fun!


DaveSchmidt

.

(Sorry, just using an old thread for a test.)


joanne

Since Dave S ‘as revived th’ thread, I may as well be thrifty an’ use it ter remind all ye that th’ great Talk Like A Pirate Day is this Thursday. Celebrate well! 

Yarrrrrr!

-Mad Red Tess, Cap’n


joanne

Ahoy! 'Tis no time t'stay a-swingin' in yer hammock if yer be in th'Antipodes! 'Tis Talk Like A Pirate Day at last, an' there's much ter make ready aboard th' mighty Aweful Buccaner O'Hell!

Former first mate, now rival Cap'n Davy "th' Demon" be a-snorin' mightily aboard his sleek sloop. Hee hee. Half 'is crew deserted last evening, findin' th' lure o' th'delights inside th'Slap 'n' Twinkle too luscious ter leave. Eh. That's what happens when yer crew spends too long as dashin' extras in a "pyrate movie". cheese 

Enough idle chat! Dawn be slowly breaking, birds be awakening! Soon, 'twill one bell! We set sail with th'tide, at seven bell o'th'forenoon! Go, make ready! An' mind ter practice yer singin'!! I'll have none o'that woeful caterwauling that deafened me an' 'alf Th'Fleet last year!

- Mad Red Tess, Cap'n

(sings)  yo ho, yo ho, a pyrate's life fer me...




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