Just a thought....

I am not a skilled writer but I usually have one or two "light bulb" moments each day. These are my own realizations, observations or discoveries that strike me as crystal clear and make perfect sense to me in the moment.

It is my hope that this blog will be a sort of "repository" for those thoughts so that I can go back and see if I agree with myself some day in the future!

Observation #1
A dirty dish/spoon left in the sink will attract others in no time.

Related idea: wire hangers reproduce while in the closet, but safety pins escape from the drawer and vanish.

If you own a retail store and want to attract all of the business in the store to a certain aisle, either spill slippery liquid or set up a ladder for reaching something high/changing a bulb in that aisle.

chroma2 said:

Related idea: wire hangers reproduce while in the closet, but safety pins escape from the drawer and vanish.

The safety pins take *half* of every pair of socks with them, too, dammit.

The socks go to that black hole, the "hozone." (Sorry....)

Observation #2

I am often confused by addiction vs. habit.

It is my belief that every single adult has at least one addiction or habit that is very, very hard to break. Consumption of junk food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or more often behaviors like excess shopping, gambling, video gaming, porn or even knitting and crossword puzzles are "addictive."

Not all habits are life threatening... are they addictions when they impact your health?

I sometimes think that it is just as hard for person "A" to put down the video game as it is for person "B" to put down the cigarette.

Are they addictions if they impact your financial health? My yarn habit and my husband's book habit are definitely a drain.

Obesrvation #3
I had a sort of epiphany this week regarding sentimentality.

We have been moving my husband's mother to a smaller unit in a senior facility. My husband and his siblings are - to my eyes - strangely sentimental about every single little thing in the apartment. They had a very adventurous upbringing and they lived in many, many different places. They moved, on average, every 3 years sometimes internationally.

In contrast my family comes from a long line of farmers. Generation upon generation stays in one place. My mother and dad have been in the same suburban house since 1966. The contents of the house have been completely changed over the years. "Old" stuff is tossed out and all new stuff brought in every 10 years or so.

Only this week did I realize that the concept of "home" to my husband is the stuff he grew up with whereas my own personal concept of home is a place on a map.

Crazy but true.

This new mindset has been very helpful for my understanding my husband's actions. When he wants to keep an ugly mid-century porcelain dish he is keeping the dish that "mom served green grapes with brown sugar on them". His memory of home is completely different than mine. It is a collage of items not a place.

I never thought about it, but I think your theory makes a lot of sense. (Former military brat here.)

I think my husband's family had their sentimentality quotient "enhanced" exponentially because their mother was raised much the same way as they were, but for very different reasons. (They moved from state to state keeping one step ahead of the creditors.)

You can not imagine the stuff she not only saved but MOVED at least 11 or 12 times. A torn felt pennant found on the ground at an Ivy League football game? The plate off of which Aunt "Body" (don't ask - they like nicknames) ate her last doughnut before she went upstairs and died? Seriously...

@kmk - you've got a hell of a book and/or play here. And you're a much better, more evocative writer than you give yourself credit for.

kmk said:

I had a sort of epiphany this week regarding sentimentality.

We have been moving my husband's mother to a smaller unit in a senior facility. My husband and his siblings are - to my eyes - strangely sentimental about every single little thing in the apartment. They had a very adventurous upbringing and they lived in many, many different places. They moved, on average, every 3 years sometimes internationally.

In contrast my family comes from a long line of farmers. Generation upon generation stays in one place. My mother and dad have been in the same suburban house since 1966. The contents of the house have been completely changed over the years. "Old" stuff is tossed out and all new stuff brought in every 10 years or so.

Only this week did I realize that the concept of "home" to my husband is the stuff he grew up with whereas my own personal concept of home is a place on a map.

Crazy but true.

This new mindset has been very helpful for my understanding my husband's actions. When he wants to keep an ugly mid-century porcelain dish he is keeping the dish that "mom served green grapes with brown sugar on them". His memory of home is completely different than mine. It is a collage of items not a place.

@kmk isn't your hub an architect? your epiphany might shed a little light on his career as well. fascinating!

@kmk that is a very interesting epiphany indeed. Thinking back to my childhood and teen years, I moved around quite a bit and interestingly I did have a few small items that I cherished because of the memories they tied to, despite being ordinary to everyone else.. Today though, I feel I want to be settled in one place, and feel more that my home is a place on a map as you described. hmm..

@kmk, I think your insight is spot on, and I am pleased to have benefited from your generosity in disposing of some of those pieces of "home". It makes them all the more meaningful, and I'll take good care of them.

You guys are so nice!

It is really so empowering to actually "see" the source of someone's attachments even if they initially appeared irrational to me.

@NotFromMuskogee yes, both my husband and I are architects and I think the root of both of our careers is in our parents' passions and what we were exposed to

He was exposed to building types from a sort of academic perspective. Museums, discussions of building styles, research of details. His mother was even a Realtor for awhile. I was exposed to the field from the purely practical side. My engineer father was like the dad in "Cheaper by the Dozen" and my domestic mom always telling me where the best location for the laundry room would be!

My husband is artistic and I am efficient but we are both passionate about the process of design.

Finally... we have lived in Maplewood for 18 years now. It is far and above the longest time my husband has spent in one house or even one state! That's how good this town has been to our family

But watch those snide comments about our cherished childhood mid-century mementos.

kmk, you are a skilled writer with a keen introspection. I've enjoyed it all.

Observation #4

Do not be flattered into doing someone else's job for them, no matter how tempting their "adulation" may be.

This can be professional, "Mr. Super Celebrity would like you to do this project for him" ...free of charge, of course, but you can have a photo with him. Ummm, no.

Or it can be social, "Oh sweetheart you are SUCH a dear friend and you do such a lovely job of arranging flowers. Could you please be in charge of my daughter's wedding flowers? (as a favor of course...) Ummmm, no.

It took me a long time to recognize those compliments and see that they come with strings attached.

The flip side of this observation is obvious:

Do not even think about asking someone to do one of your jobs for you, if you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself, (or if you are taking credit for it ) without compensating them in some way agreeable to both parties.

Trial and error is the best way to learn anything.

You can read something in a book, get tested on it, do very well and still not understand what the hell you just wrote about!

Even though it is excruciating to watch your own children learn about things "the hard way", once they have a name for it, they will always remember centrifugal force is what flung them off of the carousel!

PeggyC said:

Are they addictions if they impact your financial health? My yarn habit and my husband's book habit are definitely a drain.

I think it depends on how far you take it. If you are using the rent/utilities/grocery/medical money on your 'hobby habits', then that's a problem. If it is just a matter of where you direct your discretionary spending, then I think it's fine ... more than fine, actually!

It does depend, SAC. However, when you are spending too much money on those items, while meeting your monthly bills, and an emergency expenditure comes along, like, for example, a new car, your "discretionary spending" suddenly looks much more foolish in hindsight. Some of us like to plan for a financial cushion; others not so much.

So true.

I like this thread very much and agree that you are a fine writer, kmk. Looking forward to reading more. After all you were one of the gentle prodders who encouraged me to continue with PULVERIZING p.e.s.k.y.

If a flat surface has even ONE thing on it, others things will be magnetically attracted to that spot.

If one child decides to sit somewhere, all other children will need to sit there too.

If a parent's butt touches the sofa, a peaceful house will erupt in needs.

Grandmas have the luxury of putting their butt on a couch and saying I need your help. And the children and grandkids respond. Aahhh, I love being grandma.

@calypso:

I would say "shiver" is an onomatopoeia...

Cats are magnetically attracted to the one visitor who is allergic to them (or is wearing black).

lixouri said:

Cats are magnetically attracted to the one visitor who is allergic to them (or is wearing black).

...or doesn't like cats... at all.

I am in awe of my husband.

He is on a business trip in SF today and has a really difficult, emotional, volatile day ahead of him but he took time out at 6:00AM this morning to honor his obligation in the ALS Ice Bucket challenge! (My girls nominated him yesterday and he was supposed to do it within 24 hours.)

He got ice and a bucket from the hotel and asked a stranger that he met in the elevator to film him.
Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief but I love him to pieces!